“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine
I’m sorry I’ve been absent from the blogsphere for a few weeks, but I’ve been completely distracted with Kim Kardashian’s wedding. OMG, when she was going down that isle, I was reminded of that great Shakespearian quote, “Love is not love when….wait WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT!
In an effort to stave off your need for Kim-O-Mania I thought we should discuss travel after college. I know most of you, okay all of you, have already thought about it, but a majority of you won’t actually do it. It’s too expensive, too complicated, or too scary. Fear, is probably the number one reason most people don’t travel after college. The thing to remember is this: There are two types of people in this world, those who travel and those who obsess over Kim Kardashian’s floral arrangements. If you can do both, you are truly a Godly person.
You see, every man, woman, and child is born with the seed of romanticism planted in their hearts. It is a natural part of our existence. We all hunger for something greater than ourselves and sometimes that greatness takes the form of a homely NBA player and his curvy Armenian-American bride. To put it another way, there’s a reason that bookstores still flood their shelves with the likes of Robert Louis Stevenson and Alexander Dumas. Although it’s different for each of us, we want adventure, and chance to experience a world greater than our own.
Now, I’m sure you already know that traveling is an excellent way to find oneself. It centers you by giving you an attainable goal in an otherwise chaotic existence, allowing you to actually figure out what you want. It pits you against yourself in a totally new environment. For most of us, it’s the first time we’ve gotten to break free from our childhood shackles and think of ourselves as an actual adult. It also gives you a great opportunity to take a step back and re-evaluate your priorities.
Before you start complaining that you can’t afford it, think again. First of all, coming out of college you are probably in debt anyway right? Most people can’t afford to backpack their way through Europe for a year. However, there are plenty of inexpensive ways for you to travel both in and out of the country That’s right, don’t rule domestic travel out! Camping is a fairly inexpensive way to see new things and slake your need for travel. Yellowstone, The Grand Canyon, the beaches of Florida, the Appalachians, all of these places hold plenty of adventure for those willing to find it. If you’re not an outdoors person, places like Vegas, New York, Seattle also hold plenty of opportunities for the would-be traveler. Hostels are fairly inexpensive and available in most major cities! If you are looking for something a little bit bigger, but feel selfish just travelling for fun, AmeriCorps provides lots of volunteer opportunities all around the country which would allow you to travel…yes that’s right…for free!
Now let’s say you want to travel somewhere a little more exotic, but don’t feel that you have the financial needs to do so, being the jobless wonder that you are. There are a cornucopia of different volunteer groups that would be glad send you somewhere far off in exchange for your services. You can work on an organic farm in Oregon or Mexico with WWOOF or teach English in Korea with TEFL. These are just a few of the many groups which can provide opportunities for you. You can simultaneously fulfill your needs, help others, and bolster your resume for future job prospects. Most employers LOVE to see volunteer work!
The key is RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH! The internet is your oyster! Some travel guides such as The Lonely Planet series pride themselves on helping youth travelers find cheap ways to live their dream!
If you’re concerned about your parents looking down on you, don’t be! When you ask older generations what they regret most about their post-brainery years, it’s usually that they did not travel. In fact, it seems to be one of the most universal regrets of the middle class. I would be utterly shocked if you found someone who traveled and actually regretted the entire experience. Often times you’ll find parents encourage travel because they themselves missed out on the opportunity.
The best advice I’ve ever received about traveling is this: Take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of traveling. Once you see it on paper, you’ll realize that you have little excuse for not doing it.
Chances are, you are just afraid, and fear should be faced.
Here is a list of resources to help give you some more perspective on travel: http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=learn (For you hardcore thrill seekers!)
http://www.collegeaftermath.com/life-adventures-after-college/going-abroad-travel-work-volunteer/ (Some good advice for why you should travel, and after college advice in general)
http://www.americorps.gov/ (Domestic travel and helping your fellow citizens!)
http://www.wwoof.org/ (Volunteer on an Organic farm!)
http://teflinstitute.com/teaching-english-abroad.php?gclid=COGPjPay5qoCFQFzgwod2zHs5w (Do you speak English and have a need to travel?)
http://studenttravel.about.com/od/planyourtrip/p/reasons_travel.htm (More reasons that support my theory that travel is good!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Short and Sweet
In honor of one of my esteemed followers, I will keep this weeks entry short and sweet...
Looking for a job...suuuuuuuccccckkkkkkssssssss!
Looking for a job...suuuuuuuccccckkkkkkssssssss!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Nothing But Dandruff
There is nothing worse than “flakey” people. Okay, maybe White Supremacists, Joseph McCarthy, and the sound of Styrofoam squeaking, but other than that, nothing is worse. I don’t know what cultural morays have programmed our generation to vomit empty phrases like, “We should hang out sometime!” Or “I should be able to make it.” But it needs to stop, immediately. I myself am guilty of saying these things from time to time. There are many people that view a flakey attitude as a courtesy to those around them. As if by not rejecting offers outright, they are somehow being kind. Say yes to everything, and disappoint no one!
Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone is a flake, in fact it seems to be a widely cultural creation. For instance, I live in Southern California, the Mecca of Flakey people. Whether through the ridiculous mouths of suburban soccer moms, whose monolithic SUVs and stiff corpse-like faces litter the streets, or the pretentious douche bags yuppies who make a living riding the backs of others, the epidemic is widespread and destructive. Keep in mind, that I am not a self-hating Californian. As a transplant from the Pacific Northwest, I chose to live her. I love the urban sprawl of The City of Angeles and the vibrant beaches of Newport, Huntington, and Laguna. Not everyone is SoCal is a flake and there are many genuine, honest, and hard working people. In fact, I can’t stand people who badmouth California. Yet “flakey” is how most of the world views us.
However, being an outsider has allowed me to view this crisis from a different perspective. I grew up in a fairly rural area where men still hang Confederate Flags and the names of Jesus, John Wayne, and Ronald Regan go hand in hand (Think less Seattle, more Idaho). Many come from farming communities and still hold on to much of what their forefathers believed (I’m still waiting for English militiamen to take over my house). There is a certain pride that these people take in sticking to their commitments. The “word is my bond” philosophy is still held in high regard and anyone who feels otherwise is viewed with suspicion and contempt. That’s why most of the politicians have more experience owning saloons than they do with politics. In essence, it’s very different. Not necessarily better, just different. There are many flakey people there too. I think this comparison offers a good example of what I mean by, cultural creation. There are some areas of the country, some areas of your own backyard where flakey is more acceptable than others.
Yet, whether through cultural evolution or just random chance, the acceptance of flakey people has steadily been growing. I suspect that much of this attitude stems from our own childish insecurities. As if having nothing to do on a Friday night would shame you in the eyes of your compatriots. Better to act as if you have a million things to do, then say no to all of them and stay home watching The Notebook and eating Ben and Jerry’s®.
I am quite tired of people I know committing to things and then at the last minute ducking out. There’s never a courtesy phone call or adequate warning. Most of us know when we are being blown off, even if we don’t admit it. If there is any discussion about the incident, it is choked with empty platitudes designed to make the spurned party member feel less like you can’t stand them.
The saddest part of this whole thing is that by being a flake, you fail to establish any real connections. Your life is filled with “friends”, none of which you can count on. You are left alone with your empty platitudes and melted Cherry Garcia®. My challenge to you, to us, is to cast off the shackles of insecurity and take a lesson from the great American philosopher RZA, “Word is bond mother&#@$!*” As you venture out into the world, be honest and fourth coming. Choose diplomacy over flakeyness. If you have to say no, choose your words carefully, and whenever possible be honest. Subterfuge may serve you in certain circles, *cough *cough HOLLYWOOD ehem… but I find that with the right wording subterfuge is not usually necessary and can do you more harm than good.
P.S. Show up on time to things! I’m talking to you “fashionably late” people!
Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone is a flake, in fact it seems to be a widely cultural creation. For instance, I live in Southern California, the Mecca of Flakey people. Whether through the ridiculous mouths of suburban soccer moms, whose monolithic SUVs and stiff corpse-like faces litter the streets, or the pretentious douche bags yuppies who make a living riding the backs of others, the epidemic is widespread and destructive. Keep in mind, that I am not a self-hating Californian. As a transplant from the Pacific Northwest, I chose to live her. I love the urban sprawl of The City of Angeles and the vibrant beaches of Newport, Huntington, and Laguna. Not everyone is SoCal is a flake and there are many genuine, honest, and hard working people. In fact, I can’t stand people who badmouth California. Yet “flakey” is how most of the world views us.
However, being an outsider has allowed me to view this crisis from a different perspective. I grew up in a fairly rural area where men still hang Confederate Flags and the names of Jesus, John Wayne, and Ronald Regan go hand in hand (Think less Seattle, more Idaho). Many come from farming communities and still hold on to much of what their forefathers believed (I’m still waiting for English militiamen to take over my house). There is a certain pride that these people take in sticking to their commitments. The “word is my bond” philosophy is still held in high regard and anyone who feels otherwise is viewed with suspicion and contempt. That’s why most of the politicians have more experience owning saloons than they do with politics. In essence, it’s very different. Not necessarily better, just different. There are many flakey people there too. I think this comparison offers a good example of what I mean by, cultural creation. There are some areas of the country, some areas of your own backyard where flakey is more acceptable than others.
Yet, whether through cultural evolution or just random chance, the acceptance of flakey people has steadily been growing. I suspect that much of this attitude stems from our own childish insecurities. As if having nothing to do on a Friday night would shame you in the eyes of your compatriots. Better to act as if you have a million things to do, then say no to all of them and stay home watching The Notebook and eating Ben and Jerry’s®.
I am quite tired of people I know committing to things and then at the last minute ducking out. There’s never a courtesy phone call or adequate warning. Most of us know when we are being blown off, even if we don’t admit it. If there is any discussion about the incident, it is choked with empty platitudes designed to make the spurned party member feel less like you can’t stand them.
The saddest part of this whole thing is that by being a flake, you fail to establish any real connections. Your life is filled with “friends”, none of which you can count on. You are left alone with your empty platitudes and melted Cherry Garcia®. My challenge to you, to us, is to cast off the shackles of insecurity and take a lesson from the great American philosopher RZA, “Word is bond mother&#@$!*” As you venture out into the world, be honest and fourth coming. Choose diplomacy over flakeyness. If you have to say no, choose your words carefully, and whenever possible be honest. Subterfuge may serve you in certain circles, *cough *cough HOLLYWOOD ehem… but I find that with the right wording subterfuge is not usually necessary and can do you more harm than good.
P.S. Show up on time to things! I’m talking to you “fashionably late” people!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Paper Phantoms
“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.” – Mark Twain
Fear is an inescapable facet of the human condition. It is one of the great equalizers in this world and a constant reminder of our own perceived inadequacies. Like an over bearing mother it seeks to control our lives and suffocate us. Yet it is only when we face these fears, when we challenge them, that we have the ability to grow as people. Only then do we realize that those things that seemed so real before were simply paper phantoms drifting in the wind. It is then that we see the bars that have held us captive and reflect on all the things we have yet to do and accomplish.
It is rather remarkable, the number of people I have met, who live with perpetual regret. They dwell on everything they wanted to do, everything they should have done, and cast these dreams off as fantasy. Parents with children, blame the children. Young adults with jobs, blame the economy. They are so frightened of the world around them that they dare not move for fear of falling into a gaping chasm. It’s one of the saddest and most terrifying sights in the world. The worst part is, fear is contagious and it spreads like some awful disease. Before you know it, you have absorbed their fears on top of your own and you’ve locked yourself away in the safety and security of what you think “right.” Then you live out your days like them, regretting all the things you did not do.
The reason I bring this up, is that fear is something I have been struggling with a lot in the last year. Some nights, I don’t sleep so well because I can’t escape my own fears. My mind is a torrent of “What Ifs” and “What nows?” For a while I couldn’t relax and my anxiety was through the rough. Not to worry though, I’m better now, and have found ways to deal with my fear. I move forward in spite of them and I do not force myself into a box. I don’t force myself to be anything I’m not. I just live as I see fit. I guess that makes me brave.
A friend of mine, has a lot of trouble with fear. She has this idea that there are things she must do, or she will look like a failure. She tells herself she’s not good enough, not strong enough, and that the world will break her. She’s wrong. She is very, very, very wrong. There is more strength and bravery in her than in a thousand others. I’ve seen her smile through the kind of pain that would cripple most people. But there are times…many times, mostly late at night, when she lets her fear get the best of her and that scares me. I don’t want her to ever live in regret of all the things she did not do. I want her to travel, or if she doesn’t want to, I at least want her to find something she really wants to do. I want her believe in herself, like everyone around her believes in her.
So now you’re thinking about it. You are thinking about all the fear inside of you and you are trying so hard not to climb into a dark hole and just stay there. I promise you, your fears will subside, if you push through them. Find what it is that drives you, and pursue it. It might be terrifying. Others will try to scare you off, but you must keep going. You must remember that fear does not control your life. You are in control and can tear down these paper phantoms anytime you want. Just stop and think, remember what makes you strong. Remember all that you have survived and all that you have accomplished. You might fail. You might stumble and stutter, but when you make it through to the other side, you will feel stronger than you have ever felt in your life. Now is the time. Now is the time. Don’t let your fears cloak you in regret and self-doubt. Remember that you are strong. That you are good enough and that if you’ve made it this far, you can do anything. NOW IS THE TIME.
P.S. Hugh Grant is awesome! Watch out for FLASH FLOOD WARNINGS in California. I want to go to Dollywood to see Dolly Parton....Warren Buffet!
Fear is an inescapable facet of the human condition. It is one of the great equalizers in this world and a constant reminder of our own perceived inadequacies. Like an over bearing mother it seeks to control our lives and suffocate us. Yet it is only when we face these fears, when we challenge them, that we have the ability to grow as people. Only then do we realize that those things that seemed so real before were simply paper phantoms drifting in the wind. It is then that we see the bars that have held us captive and reflect on all the things we have yet to do and accomplish.
It is rather remarkable, the number of people I have met, who live with perpetual regret. They dwell on everything they wanted to do, everything they should have done, and cast these dreams off as fantasy. Parents with children, blame the children. Young adults with jobs, blame the economy. They are so frightened of the world around them that they dare not move for fear of falling into a gaping chasm. It’s one of the saddest and most terrifying sights in the world. The worst part is, fear is contagious and it spreads like some awful disease. Before you know it, you have absorbed their fears on top of your own and you’ve locked yourself away in the safety and security of what you think “right.” Then you live out your days like them, regretting all the things you did not do.
The reason I bring this up, is that fear is something I have been struggling with a lot in the last year. Some nights, I don’t sleep so well because I can’t escape my own fears. My mind is a torrent of “What Ifs” and “What nows?” For a while I couldn’t relax and my anxiety was through the rough. Not to worry though, I’m better now, and have found ways to deal with my fear. I move forward in spite of them and I do not force myself into a box. I don’t force myself to be anything I’m not. I just live as I see fit. I guess that makes me brave.
A friend of mine, has a lot of trouble with fear. She has this idea that there are things she must do, or she will look like a failure. She tells herself she’s not good enough, not strong enough, and that the world will break her. She’s wrong. She is very, very, very wrong. There is more strength and bravery in her than in a thousand others. I’ve seen her smile through the kind of pain that would cripple most people. But there are times…many times, mostly late at night, when she lets her fear get the best of her and that scares me. I don’t want her to ever live in regret of all the things she did not do. I want her to travel, or if she doesn’t want to, I at least want her to find something she really wants to do. I want her believe in herself, like everyone around her believes in her.
So now you’re thinking about it. You are thinking about all the fear inside of you and you are trying so hard not to climb into a dark hole and just stay there. I promise you, your fears will subside, if you push through them. Find what it is that drives you, and pursue it. It might be terrifying. Others will try to scare you off, but you must keep going. You must remember that fear does not control your life. You are in control and can tear down these paper phantoms anytime you want. Just stop and think, remember what makes you strong. Remember all that you have survived and all that you have accomplished. You might fail. You might stumble and stutter, but when you make it through to the other side, you will feel stronger than you have ever felt in your life. Now is the time. Now is the time. Don’t let your fears cloak you in regret and self-doubt. Remember that you are strong. That you are good enough and that if you’ve made it this far, you can do anything. NOW IS THE TIME.
P.S. Hugh Grant is awesome! Watch out for FLASH FLOOD WARNINGS in California. I want to go to Dollywood to see Dolly Parton....Warren Buffet!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Alien Abductions, Roofies, and that bitch Calypso!
The time will come when winter will ask you what you were doing all summer. ~Henry Clay
Until recently, I would never have described myself as a paranoid or suspicious person. I have always been, in my mind, a realist. I don’t follow conspiracy theories and although I don’t deny the presence of paranormal forces in this world, I don’t encourage them either. However, over the past few weeks, my attitude has changed dramatically. I feel…different. As if a wave of light has washed over my body. I feel like I am covered in a indescribable goo that I can’t wash off. Whatever beliefs I had before, the game has changed. I now believe that I am the victim of multiple alien abductions. Now I know what some of you might be thinking. “Aliens don’t abduct people in the suburbs!” That’s normally true. But what other explanation can there be?
Let me break down my experience for you: I wake up, usually around 10:30, 11:00. I meander out to the kitchen in search of sustenance (Did you know you can eat Spaghetti and Meatballs for breakfast?). On my way back to my bedroom I usually pass my television screen and feel compelled to turn on my Playstation®. I say to myself, “I’ll play for an hour.” So I sit down and begin, intent on playing for only that one hour. As I’m sitting there, skull bashing my way through ancient Greece, that’s when it hits me. The strange feeling of light and goo that I can’t resist engulfs my entire body. I suddenly become limp, passive, and mindless. Finally, the darkness overtakes me, and I blackout! When I wake up, it’s been six hours and I’m covered in the mutilated corpse of a tortilla chip bag and my shirt is stained with what is probably blood…or salsa, I’m too terrified to find out. For the rest of the day I wander around my house in my bathrobe. I don’t bathe, I don’t go outside, and I certainly don’t do anything productive. A classic case of alien abduction.
For the sake of argument, let’s say that I wasn’t abducted by aliens. I guess there could be other possibilities. Maybe my roommate’s dog slipped roofies into my Tang. Or the angry spirit of the ancient sea-witch Calypso has entered my home and, just like Odysseus, the passage of time is totally out of wack. I spent an hour in her realm and it’s really been a year. But let’s be honest, that’s just ridiculous. It’s not as if I just lost track of time. It’s not as if I actually spent five hours playing video games and eating junk food. No, of course not, I’m not that type of person. I’m not lazy! I don’t suffer from the lethargic drain of the everyman. I’m a millennial, not a damn Gen X-er! (Sorry to all you Bush fans out there). I am a doer. So, that leaves only one possibility…alien abduction.
All right fine! I was just lazy! There are you happy? I wasn’t abducted by aliens, I just don’t have a lot on my plate right now. I’ve been lazy for weeks. But it’s not my fault! The post graduation world is as seductive as that bitch Calypso! It’s like having a remote. You could get up and turn on the TV yourself, but why bother when you have a remote. You could go out get a job, start paying back those student loans, but most of us are not ready for the horrible shame of returning to 7.50 an hour and having to take orders from an assistant manager named Lance who just celebrated his 16th birthday. There’s nothing you “have to” do, just a lot of things you “could” or “should” be doing. You suddenly find yourself, for the first time in over four years, with all this time on your hands and that’s when the lethargy sets in. So the question is, should you be doing something? Are you a terrible person for not wanting to accomplish anything?
The answer is no…within reason. It seems completely normal that after spending four years kicking intellectual ass that you‘d want to take a break. The key, my interwebbing friends, is BALANCE. You have to find that sweet spot between productivity and relaxation. It’s going to be different for everyone. Some people can’t stand doing nothing, other people relish in it. Keep in mind that we are usually our own worst critics. Because of this, we usually start getting frustrated with ourselves and feel that we “have to” do things long before we actually “have to” do them. REMEMBER: You don’t “have to” do anything. I mean, you should bathe, and eat, pay your bills, and open doors for old ladies, but beyond that you are safe. You have to allow yourself to do nothing every once and awhile. It’s okay to ease into being a productive member of adult society. You are new at this. Then, when you are ready, go fourth in the name of credit car debt. It may be scary at first, and you might have to give yourself a little nudge, but once you begin, it feels great. Here’s a good way to start:
1) Grab a piece of paper and pen.
2) Write down four SMALL things that you know you can accomplish today. It can be as simple as empting the dishwasher, getting the mail, buying toilet paper, and eating a salad. 3) As you go through your day, cross each of these items off the list. The simple act of crossing something off does a lot to make you feel accomplished. It’s physical evidence that you’ve done something. I know it seems simple, but trust me, it works. More importantly, it helps you from overwhelming yourself. (If you get really desperate you can write: 1) Make list and then cross it off.)
It’s best to do this in the morning and start right away. That way you won’t run out of time and when you do sit down in front of the t.v., you feel like you’ve really earned it.
4) As the days pass, start putting one bigger thing on the list and three small things. For example: 1) Get Oil Changed. 2) Brush teeth 3) Pet cat. It’s up to you what counts as a “big thing”, for me it’s usually something that requires a lot of running around or mental work. 5) The more you do this, the more “big things” you can put on the list and the more productive you will feel. It’s important not to put too many things on your list though, because if you don’t finish the list, you might start beating yourself up. If you can’t do it today, wait until tomorrow to write it on the list.
Finally, remember to give yourself a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself and remember that now is the time to keep yourself open to new possibilities. There is not set path, only the path you choose for yourself.
WARNING: Prolonged laziness can lead to DEPRESSION. This is bad! Make sure you stay active, at least physically to stave off depression and don’t isolate yourself. Walking to the grocery store and talking to the person at the checkout stand is a great way to avoid this.
Now, write "read witty, insightful, and creative blog" and then cross it off your list.
Until recently, I would never have described myself as a paranoid or suspicious person. I have always been, in my mind, a realist. I don’t follow conspiracy theories and although I don’t deny the presence of paranormal forces in this world, I don’t encourage them either. However, over the past few weeks, my attitude has changed dramatically. I feel…different. As if a wave of light has washed over my body. I feel like I am covered in a indescribable goo that I can’t wash off. Whatever beliefs I had before, the game has changed. I now believe that I am the victim of multiple alien abductions. Now I know what some of you might be thinking. “Aliens don’t abduct people in the suburbs!” That’s normally true. But what other explanation can there be?
Let me break down my experience for you: I wake up, usually around 10:30, 11:00. I meander out to the kitchen in search of sustenance (Did you know you can eat Spaghetti and Meatballs for breakfast?). On my way back to my bedroom I usually pass my television screen and feel compelled to turn on my Playstation®. I say to myself, “I’ll play for an hour.” So I sit down and begin, intent on playing for only that one hour. As I’m sitting there, skull bashing my way through ancient Greece, that’s when it hits me. The strange feeling of light and goo that I can’t resist engulfs my entire body. I suddenly become limp, passive, and mindless. Finally, the darkness overtakes me, and I blackout! When I wake up, it’s been six hours and I’m covered in the mutilated corpse of a tortilla chip bag and my shirt is stained with what is probably blood…or salsa, I’m too terrified to find out. For the rest of the day I wander around my house in my bathrobe. I don’t bathe, I don’t go outside, and I certainly don’t do anything productive. A classic case of alien abduction.
For the sake of argument, let’s say that I wasn’t abducted by aliens. I guess there could be other possibilities. Maybe my roommate’s dog slipped roofies into my Tang. Or the angry spirit of the ancient sea-witch Calypso has entered my home and, just like Odysseus, the passage of time is totally out of wack. I spent an hour in her realm and it’s really been a year. But let’s be honest, that’s just ridiculous. It’s not as if I just lost track of time. It’s not as if I actually spent five hours playing video games and eating junk food. No, of course not, I’m not that type of person. I’m not lazy! I don’t suffer from the lethargic drain of the everyman. I’m a millennial, not a damn Gen X-er! (Sorry to all you Bush fans out there). I am a doer. So, that leaves only one possibility…alien abduction.
All right fine! I was just lazy! There are you happy? I wasn’t abducted by aliens, I just don’t have a lot on my plate right now. I’ve been lazy for weeks. But it’s not my fault! The post graduation world is as seductive as that bitch Calypso! It’s like having a remote. You could get up and turn on the TV yourself, but why bother when you have a remote. You could go out get a job, start paying back those student loans, but most of us are not ready for the horrible shame of returning to 7.50 an hour and having to take orders from an assistant manager named Lance who just celebrated his 16th birthday. There’s nothing you “have to” do, just a lot of things you “could” or “should” be doing. You suddenly find yourself, for the first time in over four years, with all this time on your hands and that’s when the lethargy sets in. So the question is, should you be doing something? Are you a terrible person for not wanting to accomplish anything?
The answer is no…within reason. It seems completely normal that after spending four years kicking intellectual ass that you‘d want to take a break. The key, my interwebbing friends, is BALANCE. You have to find that sweet spot between productivity and relaxation. It’s going to be different for everyone. Some people can’t stand doing nothing, other people relish in it. Keep in mind that we are usually our own worst critics. Because of this, we usually start getting frustrated with ourselves and feel that we “have to” do things long before we actually “have to” do them. REMEMBER: You don’t “have to” do anything. I mean, you should bathe, and eat, pay your bills, and open doors for old ladies, but beyond that you are safe. You have to allow yourself to do nothing every once and awhile. It’s okay to ease into being a productive member of adult society. You are new at this. Then, when you are ready, go fourth in the name of credit car debt. It may be scary at first, and you might have to give yourself a little nudge, but once you begin, it feels great. Here’s a good way to start:
1) Grab a piece of paper and pen.
2) Write down four SMALL things that you know you can accomplish today. It can be as simple as empting the dishwasher, getting the mail, buying toilet paper, and eating a salad. 3) As you go through your day, cross each of these items off the list. The simple act of crossing something off does a lot to make you feel accomplished. It’s physical evidence that you’ve done something. I know it seems simple, but trust me, it works. More importantly, it helps you from overwhelming yourself. (If you get really desperate you can write: 1) Make list and then cross it off.)
It’s best to do this in the morning and start right away. That way you won’t run out of time and when you do sit down in front of the t.v., you feel like you’ve really earned it.
4) As the days pass, start putting one bigger thing on the list and three small things. For example: 1) Get Oil Changed. 2) Brush teeth 3) Pet cat. It’s up to you what counts as a “big thing”, for me it’s usually something that requires a lot of running around or mental work. 5) The more you do this, the more “big things” you can put on the list and the more productive you will feel. It’s important not to put too many things on your list though, because if you don’t finish the list, you might start beating yourself up. If you can’t do it today, wait until tomorrow to write it on the list.
Finally, remember to give yourself a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself and remember that now is the time to keep yourself open to new possibilities. There is not set path, only the path you choose for yourself.
WARNING: Prolonged laziness can lead to DEPRESSION. This is bad! Make sure you stay active, at least physically to stave off depression and don’t isolate yourself. Walking to the grocery store and talking to the person at the checkout stand is a great way to avoid this.
Now, write "read witty, insightful, and creative blog" and then cross it off your list.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Why I Hate Eating At Denny's
The question of breakfast vs. dinner is one that has plagued mankind for centuries. The idea that a restaurant could offer so many choices 24 hours a day seemed, at first, to be a gift from the gods. However, man quickly learned the harsh realities of such variety. In 423 B.C. Plato completed a lengthy dialogue in which he contemplated what he dubbed, “Dilemma Denniatos.” Directly translated this phrase can be roughly stated as, “Fighting Godstuff.” More accurately, English scholars have come to refer to this theory as, “The Denny’s Dilemma.” This theory states that when man is confronted with unlimited choices, he will not easily know which one to choose. Thus, the choice between Moons over My Hammy and The Denny’s Slamburger
(One of the lesser known trials of Heracles)
transforms itself from something that should be beautiful, into a test of personal strength and willpower. All joking aside, the post-graduation world is full of choices. Just like The Denny’s Menu, there are often times too many choices. I sometimes find myself unsure of what to do next, because there is no set path. Do I choose the safe one? Or the one less traveled? Do I apply for jobs in my field immediately, or do I travel the world? The important thing to remember is that no matter what you choose to do, you are not trapped. I can’t tell you how many times I hear people telling me they, “have to” do something. You don’t have to do anything! So you graduated, you got your degree in Advanced Russian Dungeons & Dragons™. That’s great! But it doesn’t mean you have to start looking for a job as a Dungeon Master. Me, I signed up for SCUBA lessons this week. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and it’s also something that I’m pretty terrified of. I think that’s why I’m doing it. It’s my attempt at a carpe diem attitude. Just remember to keep an open mind and say yes to all the wonderful possibilities you have before you. Just because you choose one path, doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. So many people end up living miserably because they think they “have to” do something. It is your life, be a driver not a passenger, be a steamboat not a sailboat, shoot for the moon and other clichés. Say yes to the Lumberjack Slam today, because tomorrow is a new day and that means another chance to try The Maple Bacon Sundae.
transforms itself from something that should be beautiful, into a test of personal strength and willpower. All joking aside, the post-graduation world is full of choices. Just like The Denny’s Menu, there are often times too many choices. I sometimes find myself unsure of what to do next, because there is no set path. Do I choose the safe one? Or the one less traveled? Do I apply for jobs in my field immediately, or do I travel the world? The important thing to remember is that no matter what you choose to do, you are not trapped. I can’t tell you how many times I hear people telling me they, “have to” do something. You don’t have to do anything! So you graduated, you got your degree in Advanced Russian Dungeons & Dragons™. That’s great! But it doesn’t mean you have to start looking for a job as a Dungeon Master. Me, I signed up for SCUBA lessons this week. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and it’s also something that I’m pretty terrified of. I think that’s why I’m doing it. It’s my attempt at a carpe diem attitude. Just remember to keep an open mind and say yes to all the wonderful possibilities you have before you. Just because you choose one path, doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. So many people end up living miserably because they think they “have to” do something. It is your life, be a driver not a passenger, be a steamboat not a sailboat, shoot for the moon and other clichés. Say yes to the Lumberjack Slam today, because tomorrow is a new day and that means another chance to try The Maple Bacon Sundae.
Friday, June 3, 2011
On Family
“The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants.” Shakespeare
I spent the week during (and following) my graduation surrounded by my family. It’s like my Amah always said, “There are two ways into this family and only one way out…” I thought this would be a good excuse to discuss the roll of kin-folk in your search for meaning in the real world.
Here’s how I define family: People who will love you, no matter what you do.
Other than that, the qualifications are pretty minimal. Now here’s some rules to keep in mind regarding yourself and your loved ones.
1) A Family Affair
Although we would like to believe that days like graduation, birthdays, and bris are all about us, this is NOT the case. In fact, most of these milestones are designed more for those around you, than for you. Parents see graduation as a time to shower you with all kinds of stuff! Not just physically, but emotionally as well. It can be overwhelming to say the least. Thus, it serves as an important reminder of who helped you get to where you are and that your true celebration may not be on the football field as you fling your cap into the air, but in the dead of night, when no one else is around, as you realize how far you have come and what you have accomplished. It’s not easy to admit, but you’ve done a good job, despite and in spite, of what the family may say. But, as you sit at The Outback Steak House surrounded by the chaos, just remember to take a deep breath and tell yourself that this moment is for you, they just like to act like it’s for them. This is there way of making you feel loved and your way of making them feel wanted.
2) Let them Eat Cake!
Your family will try and do things for you! They will demand a thousand group photos, a thousand toasts, they will demand answers to a thousand questions, and they will demand a thousand extra hypoallergenic pillows in their hotel rooms. If you’re lucky, they may even give you gifts. “A dehumidifier! You shouldn’t have!” Your mom will demand that you let her fix your collar and that you remember to slow down at intersections when you are driving. Your father will demand to know what your plans are immediately and hand out your resume to anyone in a three-piece suite. Make sure to pick your battles, let them be who they are, and just shut up and say thank you. If they really want to buy you a new ski parka, even though you live in Southern California, let them do it. Or, suggest a compromise, like a new winter coat or scarf. If you hear a little voice in the back of your head shaming you (and it vaguely sounds like your 7th grade, passive aggressive, holier than thou math teacher) that’s just our old friend guilt and it’s best to duck tape that bitches mouth shut before she gets too far (SUCK IT MRS. TURNER!).
2) Be a sel-fish, but not just for the halibut.
Remember when I mentioned picking your battles? The flipside to that whole “let the family be who they are” thing is that you are in control. That’s right, I said it, YOU ARE IN CONTROL! This IS still your life and your day so, don’t let them hijack it! It’s a common misconception that you must do everything that your family wants in order to make up for the thousands of dollars they spent getting you through college. WRONG! It’s okay to take some time for yourself, to say that two-letter word that your mom taught you. NO! I don’t want to go antiquing! NO! I don’t want you to wear a sari to the Indian restaurant! NO! I am not going to call the cops on the kids standing on the corner because you think they look like characters from The Wire. I’m going to go for a walk, I’m going to go eat an entire turkey, I’m going to go see if those kids know where I can score something that will even me out a little bit…and I don’t know when I will be back. Saying NO does not make you a terrible son, grandson, nephew, or friend. It makes you sane. At this point, you may find that Guilt has chewed through her tape and started breaking all of your dishes. Just remember, I put some chloroform in your back pocket.
2) I Got 99 Problems…
This next one requires a little story from my own life. When I was a sophomore in high school, my grandpa died. His son, my uncle, had a falling out with the rest of the family, including his mother, over…????? At some point I thought I knew, but the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve realized that some people never learn how to leave their demons behind. His two children, the cousins I had grown up with and been very close with, took it upon themselves to stand by their father and never speak to the rest of the family again. It’s been almost ten years. My grandmother, his mother (and the unresolved childhood issues she represented), has passed beyond the cloudy vale to enter that great craft store in the sky. My uncle never said goodbye, he never even made an attempt, and neither did his children. It may be that they are perfectly content with the choices they have made, and even consider themesleves better for it. I will not pretend to understand their relationships because I am not them. However, I do have an opinion on this issue. As children, and at some point we have all been children, we come to view adults as Gods and Devils. The relationship is not always positive, but there is always a sense that they have mystical powers beyond our ken and that they are in control. We take what they say as the law written in blood. Sometime around puberty, we start to realize that they are mortal and we begin to forge our own destinies. However, it is hard to escape the impact that they have on our lives and to separate their baggage from our own. After all, their problems, are not our problems. Yet for some reason, we chain ourselves to their issues and feel we must defend them from everything. The truth is, it’s okay to disagree with your parents. It’s okay to disagree with your family, and it’s okay to separate yourself from their issues. My cousins (I’m only guessing here and could be totally wrong) felt that they might be betraying their father by talking to their grandmother and me, but that’s not true. It’s like when you were in high school and Jenny…you remember Jenny…she kissed Bobby at that one party....and “WE” were not talking to her? You know, “we”, the collective, the mass of minds that make up our lives. There is no “we”! Just because you or someone in your family has an issue, does not mean it has to be yours. It’s like the sad prince from Denmark once said, “A little more than kin, a little less than kind.”
4) When you stop being a kid, you start dying.
Stop trying to grow up! Stop aging yourself! It’s the quickest way to die miserable and alone! Maturity and wisdom comes with age, it’s a natural process and does not require you to actively seek out things you feel are “adult.” It’s still okay to sing in the shower. It’s still okay to dance in your underwear. It’s still okay to play freeze tag. It’s still okay to stay up all night and sleep all day. It’s still okay to not understand peoples obsession with pinot gris or listen to Kenny G. In fact, you will live a lot longer if you remember these things. It will remind you of what you love and who you are. Misery is not a trap, it’s a choice.
It’s like Amah said, “I always celebrate my birthdays, but I never count them.”
She lived until she was 94 and was still driving, eating at McDonalds, and doing the New York Times Crossword Puzzle.
PLESE BE ADVISED: This does not mean you should keep going on month long benders or refer to your girlfriend as your “lady friend.” Maturity and personal hygiene should be maintained.
5) The Void will fill itself
When the family finally leaves, and you find yourself curled up in the fetal position weeping, surrounded by nothing but silence and overwhelming self-doubt, just remember…
You are not alone. This too shall pass and…
I spent the week during (and following) my graduation surrounded by my family. It’s like my Amah always said, “There are two ways into this family and only one way out…” I thought this would be a good excuse to discuss the roll of kin-folk in your search for meaning in the real world.
Here’s how I define family: People who will love you, no matter what you do.
Other than that, the qualifications are pretty minimal. Now here’s some rules to keep in mind regarding yourself and your loved ones.
1) A Family Affair
Although we would like to believe that days like graduation, birthdays, and bris are all about us, this is NOT the case. In fact, most of these milestones are designed more for those around you, than for you. Parents see graduation as a time to shower you with all kinds of stuff! Not just physically, but emotionally as well. It can be overwhelming to say the least. Thus, it serves as an important reminder of who helped you get to where you are and that your true celebration may not be on the football field as you fling your cap into the air, but in the dead of night, when no one else is around, as you realize how far you have come and what you have accomplished. It’s not easy to admit, but you’ve done a good job, despite and in spite, of what the family may say. But, as you sit at The Outback Steak House surrounded by the chaos, just remember to take a deep breath and tell yourself that this moment is for you, they just like to act like it’s for them. This is there way of making you feel loved and your way of making them feel wanted.
2) Let them Eat Cake!
Your family will try and do things for you! They will demand a thousand group photos, a thousand toasts, they will demand answers to a thousand questions, and they will demand a thousand extra hypoallergenic pillows in their hotel rooms. If you’re lucky, they may even give you gifts. “A dehumidifier! You shouldn’t have!” Your mom will demand that you let her fix your collar and that you remember to slow down at intersections when you are driving. Your father will demand to know what your plans are immediately and hand out your resume to anyone in a three-piece suite. Make sure to pick your battles, let them be who they are, and just shut up and say thank you. If they really want to buy you a new ski parka, even though you live in Southern California, let them do it. Or, suggest a compromise, like a new winter coat or scarf. If you hear a little voice in the back of your head shaming you (and it vaguely sounds like your 7th grade, passive aggressive, holier than thou math teacher) that’s just our old friend guilt and it’s best to duck tape that bitches mouth shut before she gets too far (SUCK IT MRS. TURNER!).
2) Be a sel-fish, but not just for the halibut.
Remember when I mentioned picking your battles? The flipside to that whole “let the family be who they are” thing is that you are in control. That’s right, I said it, YOU ARE IN CONTROL! This IS still your life and your day so, don’t let them hijack it! It’s a common misconception that you must do everything that your family wants in order to make up for the thousands of dollars they spent getting you through college. WRONG! It’s okay to take some time for yourself, to say that two-letter word that your mom taught you. NO! I don’t want to go antiquing! NO! I don’t want you to wear a sari to the Indian restaurant! NO! I am not going to call the cops on the kids standing on the corner because you think they look like characters from The Wire. I’m going to go for a walk, I’m going to go eat an entire turkey, I’m going to go see if those kids know where I can score something that will even me out a little bit…and I don’t know when I will be back. Saying NO does not make you a terrible son, grandson, nephew, or friend. It makes you sane. At this point, you may find that Guilt has chewed through her tape and started breaking all of your dishes. Just remember, I put some chloroform in your back pocket.
2) I Got 99 Problems…
This next one requires a little story from my own life. When I was a sophomore in high school, my grandpa died. His son, my uncle, had a falling out with the rest of the family, including his mother, over…????? At some point I thought I knew, but the older I’ve gotten the more I’ve realized that some people never learn how to leave their demons behind. His two children, the cousins I had grown up with and been very close with, took it upon themselves to stand by their father and never speak to the rest of the family again. It’s been almost ten years. My grandmother, his mother (and the unresolved childhood issues she represented), has passed beyond the cloudy vale to enter that great craft store in the sky. My uncle never said goodbye, he never even made an attempt, and neither did his children. It may be that they are perfectly content with the choices they have made, and even consider themesleves better for it. I will not pretend to understand their relationships because I am not them. However, I do have an opinion on this issue. As children, and at some point we have all been children, we come to view adults as Gods and Devils. The relationship is not always positive, but there is always a sense that they have mystical powers beyond our ken and that they are in control. We take what they say as the law written in blood. Sometime around puberty, we start to realize that they are mortal and we begin to forge our own destinies. However, it is hard to escape the impact that they have on our lives and to separate their baggage from our own. After all, their problems, are not our problems. Yet for some reason, we chain ourselves to their issues and feel we must defend them from everything. The truth is, it’s okay to disagree with your parents. It’s okay to disagree with your family, and it’s okay to separate yourself from their issues. My cousins (I’m only guessing here and could be totally wrong) felt that they might be betraying their father by talking to their grandmother and me, but that’s not true. It’s like when you were in high school and Jenny…you remember Jenny…she kissed Bobby at that one party....and “WE” were not talking to her? You know, “we”, the collective, the mass of minds that make up our lives. There is no “we”! Just because you or someone in your family has an issue, does not mean it has to be yours. It’s like the sad prince from Denmark once said, “A little more than kin, a little less than kind.”
4) When you stop being a kid, you start dying.
Stop trying to grow up! Stop aging yourself! It’s the quickest way to die miserable and alone! Maturity and wisdom comes with age, it’s a natural process and does not require you to actively seek out things you feel are “adult.” It’s still okay to sing in the shower. It’s still okay to dance in your underwear. It’s still okay to play freeze tag. It’s still okay to stay up all night and sleep all day. It’s still okay to not understand peoples obsession with pinot gris or listen to Kenny G. In fact, you will live a lot longer if you remember these things. It will remind you of what you love and who you are. Misery is not a trap, it’s a choice.
It’s like Amah said, “I always celebrate my birthdays, but I never count them.”
She lived until she was 94 and was still driving, eating at McDonalds, and doing the New York Times Crossword Puzzle.
PLESE BE ADVISED: This does not mean you should keep going on month long benders or refer to your girlfriend as your “lady friend.” Maturity and personal hygiene should be maintained.
5) The Void will fill itself
When the family finally leaves, and you find yourself curled up in the fetal position weeping, surrounded by nothing but silence and overwhelming self-doubt, just remember…
You are not alone. This too shall pass and…
Monday, May 23, 2011
Be The Morgan Freeman
If you want to understand what it’s like to Graduate College, you need to watch The Shawshank Redemption. From this point on, I’m going to assume that you are at least familiar with the movie. If you are not, I encourage you to find someone with a TV and flip through the channels until you find it. It should only take about twenty minutes. Like reruns of M*A*S*H, Shake Weight commercials, and C-SPAN, it’s on all the time. Once you are up to speed, come back to this.
Found it? Good.
Now, remember the part in the movie where Brooks, the old guy with the bird, puts the shiv to the blonde guy’s throat because they are kicking him out of prison? I kind of get that. I’ve never been to prison but I think I understand what he was going through.
You see, being in college is a lot like being in prison minus the shitty living conditions, substandard food, and gang rape. Wait, no, it’s just like prison. You are stuck with the same assholes for years. Like that guy who still yells “Play Freebird!” at every public gathering, and then acts as if no one understands his comedic genius. Or those sorority girls who describe everything as “chill” and always seem to have someone to text. (I have a lot of friends ladies, no one is that popular.) Not to mention that you are stuck listening to the same mustachioed authority figures for four years.
More than this though, college is a place you spend years in and never imagine you’ll actually leave. It’s the last bastion of childhood, the only legitimate excuse for twenty somethings to act like complete morons and get away with it. “What? The kid with the word BALLS written on his forehead? He’s the valedictorian.”
It’s a safe place, where you have a role and purpose. You hear people talk about “leaving” and “graduating”, you’ve even seen people do it, but never in your wildest dreams did you think it could happen to you. I mean, four years is along time right?
So, just like the old guy from Shawshank, you become “institutionalized” you get used to the routine and get comfortable with it. Then, when it comes time for them to kick your ass out, you do what I did…FLIP OUT! There’s no easy transition where they hold your hand and teach you how to be an income earning adult, oh no, they shove you out the gates with nothing but the clothes on your back and a degree that cost more money than you’ll make in the next fifty years. You think to yourself, maybe failing a class isn’t such a bad idea, cause then I’d have another semester. Should I put a shiv to someone’s throat? Of course, if you keep watching the movie, you learn that things don’t turn out that well for Brooks.
Whatever you do, DON’T STOP WATCHING THE MOVIE THERE! Keep watching until the end and see what happens to Morgan Freeman. He makes it out, he takes control of his life, and realizes his dream. Now that you’re graduating, you have two choices; Will you be Brooks or Morgan Freeman? I choose Morgan Freeman.
I’ve been in school for almost 16 years. I like school, I’ve always been that way and I’ve never liked the idea of growing up. Now that I am graduating, I’m terrified that I’m not going to make it, that I’m going to come crashing down in a fiery shit ball of failure and debt. I don’t want to end up like Brooks. I want to be Morgan Freeman. The guy who makes it out and, not only survives, but flourishes. I want to live my dream and grab the world by the love handles and say, “Hey world! I’m Morgan Freeman!”
So this is what I have to offer you (I’m doing this for myself more than anything, but I figure if it might help somebody, it’s worth it.) This is what I like to call “The Mongrel’s March: A Post-College Survival Guide” Here I will chronicle my adventures as a bachelor’s degree recipient and my struggle to find my place in the “real world.” It’s not going to be easy, it’s going to require copious amounts of Jalapeño chips, Fellini movies, and freaky dance parties. I can’t promise you any answers, but, at the very least, this will give me and you something to do while I we are filing for unemployment. Wish me luck!
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