Nothing But Dandruff

There is nothing worse than “flakey” people. Okay, maybe White Supremacists, Joseph McCarthy, and the sound of Styrofoam squeaking, but other than that, nothing is worse. I don’t know what cultural morays have programmed our generation to vomit empty phrases like, “We should hang out sometime!” Or “I should be able to make it.” But it needs to stop, immediately. I myself am guilty of saying these things from time to time. There are many people that view a flakey attitude as a courtesy to those around them. As if by not rejecting offers outright, they are somehow being kind. Say yes to everything, and disappoint no one!

Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone is a flake, in fact it seems to be a widely cultural creation. For instance, I live in Southern California, the Mecca of Flakey people. Whether through the ridiculous mouths of suburban soccer moms, whose monolithic SUVs and stiff corpse-like faces litter the streets, or the pretentious douche bags yuppies who make a living riding the backs of others, the epidemic is widespread and destructive. Keep in mind, that I am not a self-hating Californian. As a transplant from the Pacific Northwest, I chose to live her. I love the urban sprawl of The City of Angeles and the vibrant beaches of Newport, Huntington, and Laguna. Not everyone is SoCal is a flake and there are many genuine, honest, and hard working people. In fact, I can’t stand people who badmouth California. Yet “flakey” is how most of the world views us.

However, being an outsider has allowed me to view this crisis from a different perspective. I grew up in a fairly rural area where men still hang Confederate Flags and the names of Jesus, John Wayne, and Ronald Regan go hand in hand (Think less Seattle, more Idaho). Many come from farming communities and still hold on to much of what their forefathers believed (I’m still waiting for English militiamen to take over my house). There is a certain pride that these people take in sticking to their commitments. The “word is my bond” philosophy is still held in high regard and anyone who feels otherwise is viewed with suspicion and contempt. That’s why most of the politicians have more experience owning saloons than they do with politics. In essence, it’s very different. Not necessarily better, just different. There are many flakey people there too. I think this comparison offers a good example of what I mean by, cultural creation. There are some areas of the country, some areas of your own backyard where flakey is more acceptable than others.

Yet, whether through cultural evolution or just random chance, the acceptance of flakey people has steadily been growing. I suspect that much of this attitude stems from our own childish insecurities. As if having nothing to do on a Friday night would shame you in the eyes of your compatriots. Better to act as if you have a million things to do, then say no to all of them and stay home watching The Notebook and eating Ben and Jerry’s®.

I am quite tired of people I know committing to things and then at the last minute ducking out. There’s never a courtesy phone call or adequate warning. Most of us know when we are being blown off, even if we don’t admit it. If there is any discussion about the incident, it is choked with empty platitudes designed to make the spurned party member feel less like you can’t stand them.

The saddest part of this whole thing is that by being a flake, you fail to establish any real connections. Your life is filled with “friends”, none of which you can count on. You are left alone with your empty platitudes and melted Cherry Garcia®. My challenge to you, to us, is to cast off the shackles of insecurity and take a lesson from the great American philosopher RZA, “Word is bond mother&#@$!*” As you venture out into the world, be honest and fourth coming. Choose diplomacy over flakeyness. If you have to say no, choose your words carefully, and whenever possible be honest. Subterfuge may serve you in certain circles, *cough *cough HOLLYWOOD ehem… but I find that with the right wording subterfuge is not usually necessary and can do you more harm than good.

P.S. Show up on time to things! I’m talking to you “fashionably late” people!