This Is Going To Suck: The First Job

      Well the economy sucks, we know that. We also know that graduating with a college degree, from even the most prestigious school, does not guarantee financial success or more job offers. This thought can be frustrating, overwhelming, and just plain scary.

     According to the National Center For Education, the average cost of a public four-year university hovers somewhere around $20,000 a year when you factor in tuition plus expenses. A private university is upwards of $30,000. Most students leave college weighed down by substantial debt and often struggle to keep up with student loan payments. As a result, finding a job after college becomes a matter of survival.

     If you are like most people, and you most surely are, this first job is probably not going to be your ideal situation. In fact, it may suck....it may suck a lot. And you'll be thinking...those guys from Office Space were lucky.

     My first job, selling computers at an electronics  store, made me feel like I was selling off parts of my soul in the form of screen protectors and extended warranties. I am not a natural salesperson and felt awkward and a little ashamed trying to convince people to buy things they didn't really need. I found no joy in the work and had very little in common with my co-workers. I was miserable and wanted to scratch out my eyes for the first few weeks.  Worse yet, it made me feel defeated. I was not living for my dream, I was living for a paycheck.

     I hated feeling that way and it took a lot of effort to change my outlook. But when I did, I gained some knowledge I now feel will be essential to my success in the future. I conquered the dread and you can too! Here are a few tips to help you navigate the mind numbing waters of that first post-college job.

1) Always have a goal.

      It doesn't matter what it is, but you should always be working towards something. This can be career orientated such as, "I'm going to keep this job while I am applying to other companies in my field." or it can be more personal, "I'm going to keep this job so that I can save up money and take a trip to Narnia!" Whatever it is, a goal will give you something positive to focus on, even if your current job is unsatisfying.

2) Always keep moving.

    One of the best things you can do to make sure you are always moving towards your goal is to give yourself a cutoff date. Tell yourself, "I am going to keep this job for X weeks/months/years and if I haven't found anything else, I am going to quit and change my strategy." This will make you more proactive in reaching your goals and move you closer to your dreams. Even if at the end of X weeks/months/years, you don't feel any closer to that goal, changing crappy jobs can be just as helpful. The change will challenge you and give you a new experience different from your current one. Remember it's only temporary!

3) Always covet new skills.

     This was a big help to me. Although I have no desire to be a salesperson again, there are a lot of good things I learned from that job that I can apply to the rest of my life. For instance, being a salesperson taught me confidence and gave me the ability to approach strangers and strike up a conversation. I also gained technical knowledge about computers that may be of benefit to me if I take a job requiring technical knowledge. There is always something to take away from the job, no matter how ridiculous you might think it is. Again, focusing on these things shifted me from the negative of what I was doing, to the positive of what I was learning. You'd be surprised how random things can help you later on.

4) Always challenge yourself.

    Doing a mediocre job is pointless. Just because you feel that the job you are doing isn't ideal, doesn't mean you should half ass it. You'll pick up bad habits and your work ethic will suffer. Plus, you'll just get depressed. You will get more credit at your job and it will be a boost to your self confidence if you do your best work. If you are going to be a fry cook, strive to be the greatest fry cook the world has ever known!  Not to mention that, should you need a recommendation from an  employer, you want it to be a gleaming one. It may be the difference between getting another job as a fry cook and becoming a manager. (No joke, this happened to a friend of mine.)
 
5) Always Don't be a cliche

    We are the Millennials. One of the main complaints about our generation is our sense of entitlement to...everything! We want what we want and we want it now! I have seen many of my peers fall pray to this malady. No job is beneath you. It may not be what you want for yourself, and that's just fine, but a job is a job. Unless we have names like Hilton or Helu, we must all take these types of jobs. It is a part of growing up and will give you  a frame of reference for future success.

    Remember, it's just temporary. Someday you will look back at your first jobs after college and laugh from your private Caribbean Island. Now go out there and BE SOMEBODY!

Source:
http://www.usnews.com/opinion/articles/2010/08/24/the-average-cost-of-a-us-college-education

KONY 2012: AN IDEOLOGICAL CRISIS

            Over the past thirty-six hours I have witnessed something that has caused me an immense amount of grief and self-doubt. I was one of the millions of people all over the world to be caught up in the epic viral video campaign known as “Kony 2012.” I sat slouched in my cheap plastic computer chair soaking up every ounce of the drama, the sorrow, and the hope. In the course of the twenty minute video I went through just about every possible emotion a person can go through. I felt angry with myself for not having learned about Joseph Kony sooner. I felt helpless as I watched young Jacob’s despair at having been born into such an awful situation. Finally, I felt that unmistakable burning which compels all humans to act.
               When the video ended, I did just as the video instructed me to. I logged on to www.kony2012.com and signed the pledge to help bring Joseph Kony to justice. I would have even bought the “$30 Action Kit” and donated to the organization had my Internet not failed on me. Not once did I ever hesitate or stop to ask questions. I new in my heart, something like stopping a mass murdering psychopath could never be wrong. I was going to be a part of something bigger than myself and I was going to help end suffering. Who could argue with that? It need not be said that sometimes I am more a creature of raw emotion than analytical thought.
           Activism has always been something close to my heart. In my head, I have always been an activist and I probably always will be. However, my deeds don’t necessarily support this. Other than a few donations after natural disasters and helping to pick up litter on earth day, I have been a rather terrible activist. Excuses come easy for a privileged white man like me who has faced little societal adversity. I am, for lack of a better phrase, a fraud. I like to feel that I am helping, but don’t actually contribute that much physically. (I have to give myself some credit for at least trying.) AND I DO WANT TO HELP.
           Yet I believe there is a deeper reason why I have never been able to fully commit myself to a cause or organization. I am an optimist who has slowly been corrupted by skepticism. I am someone who tries very hard to look at both sides of the argument, and as such, I usually find something I don’t like or something that I feel doesn’t fit with how I believe things should be handled. Often, when I actually do come to the brink of action I am slapped back down to earth by the cynicism and negativity of those around me. You hear things like, “You know that’s not really helping anyone,” and “It’s not that simple.” Although I try to resist these influences, they effect me in ways I don’t even realize.
          I don’t know where this attitude came from, but I do know that at some point in my life I became infected with this terrible disease. Side effects include: Apathy and an unwillingness to act on what I believe is right. And that is the reason I have never really committed myself to anything.
        With this in mind, it will come as no surprise to you that the morning after my fateful encounter with Joseph Kony, I was horrified to see the amount of criticism and opposition the campaign had received. My palms were puddles of sweat, my heart a frightened doe caught in the headlights of realization; here I was in the same situation a hundred times before. Here I was, trying to fully commit myself to a cause I knew to be right and suddenly there are all these people trying to bust holes through the wall of my conviction. They say that if you really believe in something, there is nothing to fear from listening to opposing viewpoints. If the idea is strong enough, hearing from other points of view will only strengthen your conviction. It took all my strength to hack my way through the twisted jungle like arguments contained in the many articles criticizing and defending the campaign.
          As the URL dust began to settle, I arrived at the core of my ideological crisis. “Is this still something I want to support? Is this still something I believe In?”
The answer, like life, is much more complicated than I want it to be.
          More importantly was how I arrived at that answer. By carefully weighing the many arguments for and against this issues, and coming to my OWN UNIQUE CONCLUSION. I turn myself from a sheep into an independent thinker and whether you agree or disagree with “Kony 2012”, we can all appreciate the value of this.
          I wrote this in the hope that others will read it. Not because I want them to think like me , but because I want them to think for themselves. You are not bound by the pessimism that surrounds you. It’s alright to change your mind, but don’t do it just because it’s what others tell you. Do it because it’s what you truly believe. It’s easy to criticize and condemn an idea without providing your own ideas or solutions. The one thing I haven’t heard through all the criticism of the campaign is people offering up alternatives or their own solutions.
         I believe that the greatest threat facing our world today is the continual spread of cynicism and negativity. It is a crutch used by cowardly individuals to try and save themselves from facing their own fears of failure and self-doubt. They cling to it, like a bastard rock heaved in the ocean. It may float for a blinking moment, but it will be their undoing.

        Below I have listed some of my opinions and concerns (in brief) to try and get at the core of this issue. Maybe these will help those of you who have become as frustrated as I have.

THE ARGUMENTS:

1) The “Kony 2012” video is an over simplification of a very complex and nuanced situation.

Yes, the video is an over simplification of very complex situation, but most videos are. How do we balance something that will have massive appeal like this video with something that fully explores its issues? Should we discredit this type of social media simply because it doesn’t provide a nuanced enough answer? Viral videos have to be simple in order for people to pass them on and we’ve seen their effectiveness in places like Egypt. The video was missing some key elements that would have helped me to see things more clearly, but still maintain it’s appeal. IC might consider creating a series of videos that explore the ideas behind the “Kony 2012” campaign in further detail, such as the vastly improved conditions and the exodus of Joseph Kony from Uganda.

2) The video should be more about creating awareness of Kony than about American’s saving the day.

I think as a tool for awareness “Kony 2012” is a masterstroke and should be encouraged without hesitation. If the video had focused on awareness and stayed away from it’s paternalistic undertones I think it would have been far more effective. Americans are largely ignorant on the problems in Africa and the U.S. has a frustrating track record for conveniently “spreading democracy and freedom” and “ending terror” in countries that have sometime we want. Since places like Uganda aren’t of any real strategic or economic value to us, we seem to forget it exists. In this way, the “Kony 2012” was a great way to focus our attention on an otherwise ignored part of the world. In theory, this increased attention would mean more international pressure from other countries and a TERRORIST like Joseph Kony would be given the kind of attention he needs.

3) Bracelets and t-shirts do help!

I’m kind of sick of hearing this complaint I feel the same way about bracelets as I do about Hybrid cars. Do they solve the problem no? Do they have their own repercussions and downsides? Yes. However, I feel that people often overlook the power of gestures such as these. Because, with every purchase of a hybrid car, with every “Kony 2012” bracelet you buy, you are acknowledging something. You acknowledging that a problem exists and that you are aware of it. We need to stop kidding ourselves and understand that people like bracelets., t-shirts, and bumper stickers.. Even if none of the money goes towards a cause, how is buying a “Kony 2012” bracelet from IC any worse than buying an Ipod from Apple . As long as they are honest about what your purchase is going towards. Is IC is anymore dishonest than Apple? We seem more than willing to ignore Apple’s abuse of Chinese labor. I don’t recall the video ever saying that bracelets were going to stop Joseph Kony or that the money was going towards physical efforts. Did I misinterpret it? What I thought they said was, “We want to make Joseph Kony famous, and this is how we are going to do it. What better way to do this then by appealing to young people’s love of trendy merchandising? Yes, it is shallow, but it’s better than indifference isn’t it? These are the types of things it takes to get people of my generation involved in activism.

4) Invisible Children has a shady financial record…like everyone else.

I will not pretend I fully understand the implications of this argument. If we are honest, most large advocacy organizations like this have problems with $. Hell, the Red Cross and the U.S. government also have “shady financial records.” From what I understand IC seems to be no worse or better than most organizations, but I could be wrong. Unless we are going to boycott all of these organizations, is it reasonable to condemn IC? That is unless there is proof that they are somehow substantially worse. It’s no secret that these people are making a living doing this.  Are they somehow abusing their power for personal gain?

I am in no way justifying IC’s financial record. I have never financially contributed to them and don’t even know that much about them which is were you lovely people come in.

5) The picture of the founders with the guns is the last thing people should be focusing on.

If I had a nickel for every stupid thing I’ve done and then regretted later, I’d be Warren Buffet! The founders of IC probably regret that picture, it makes them look bad and they shouldn’t have taken it. But, they did, and it’s done, and is that really what we should be worrying about? Moving on.

6) The video seems to encourage a military solution to the Kony problem.

This is my second biggest problem with the video. It seems far too eager to get the armies of both the U.S. and Uganda involved to bring one man to justice. It should be about diplomacy and international pressure, not military intervention by the U.S.

7) The Paternalistic Undertones and The White Man’s Burdens:

 From one privileged white guy to another, Jason Russell really needs to work on incorporating a more multicultural approach to his organization. I think this is more about ignorance than any malicious thinking on their part.

It is important that they emphasize working WITH Africans not FOR Africans. As fellow human beings, there is nothing wrong with wanting to help out your brothers and sisters of planet earth, but that doesn’t mean we should be the ones dictating their actions.

The Ugandan people (and all Africans) are strong and the IC failed to acknowledge that in favor of making themselves look like the only thing keeping these people afloat. This was bad form.

Africans are in charge of Africa, we can offer or help and lend our support but they are the ones who call the shots. They should be the ones telling the story of the IC, not Jason Russell. That is the essence of the “white man’s burden” when we white folks try to work for people of color because we feel we have some knowledge or power that they do not. This is a product of racial programming and as white people we must always be aware of it.

8) Do I still support “Kony 2012” Yes, but…

I still think that “Kony 2012” is a fantastic idea. More for what it should be than what it is. If IC is smart, they will take a hard look at themselves and help the idea evolve so that it is more well rounded. I encourage people to write them with comments, concerns, and suggestions. We are in control of this idea now and we can make it much stronger than it is now. I think there is a lot of good to be found in this campaign and it has accomplished what I believe to be it’s most important goal. Joseph Kony is now famous, and we are actually paying attention to Africa…at least for now.

 If you haven’t seen the video or want to know more about Invisible Children or the “Kony 2012” campaign here are some links I found helpful:

KONY 2012
www.kony2012.com

TO CRITICS OF KONY 2012
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQABpjCalJk

AFRICAN VOICES RESPOND TO KONY 2012
http://boingboing.net/2012/03/08/african-voices-respond-to-hype.html

JOSEPH KONY IS NOT IN UGANDA
http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2012/03/07/guest_post_joseph_kony_is_not_in_uganda_and_other_complicated_things

KONY 2012: WHAT IS THE REAL STORY
 http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/reality-check-with-polly-curtis/2012/mar/08/kony-2012-what-s-the-story

SOLVING WAR CRIMES WITH WRISTBANDS: THE ARROGANCE OF 2012 http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/03/solving-war-crimes-with-wristbands-the-arrogance-of-kony-2012/254193/

CHARITY NAVIGATOR - INVISIBLE CHILDREN
http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=search.summary&orgid=12429

Shut Up and Travel

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” – St. Augustine

I’m sorry I’ve been absent from the blogsphere for a few weeks, but I’ve been completely distracted with Kim Kardashian’s wedding. OMG, when she was going down that isle, I was reminded of that great Shakespearian quote, “Love is not love when….wait WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT!

In an effort to stave off your need for Kim-O-Mania I thought we should discuss travel after college. I know most of you, okay all of you, have already thought about it, but a majority of you won’t actually do it. It’s too expensive, too complicated, or too scary. Fear, is probably the number one reason most people don’t travel after college. The thing to remember is this: There are two types of people in this world, those who travel and those who obsess over Kim Kardashian’s floral arrangements. If you can do both, you are truly a Godly person.

You see, every man, woman, and child is born with the seed of romanticism planted in their hearts. It is a natural part of our existence. We all hunger for something greater than ourselves and sometimes that greatness takes the form of a homely NBA player and his curvy Armenian-American bride. To put it another way, there’s a reason that bookstores still flood their shelves with the likes of Robert Louis Stevenson and Alexander Dumas. Although it’s different for each of us, we want adventure, and chance to experience a world greater than our own.

Now, I’m sure you already know that traveling is an excellent way to find oneself. It centers you by giving you an attainable goal in an otherwise chaotic existence, allowing you to actually figure out what you want. It pits you against yourself in a totally new environment. For most of us, it’s the first time we’ve gotten to break free from our childhood shackles and think of ourselves as an actual adult. It also gives you a great opportunity to take a step back and re-evaluate your priorities.

Before you start complaining that you can’t afford it, think again. First of all, coming out of college you are probably in debt anyway right? Most people can’t afford to backpack their way through Europe for a year. However, there are plenty of inexpensive ways for you to travel both in and out of the country That’s right, don’t rule domestic travel out! Camping is a fairly inexpensive way to see new things and slake your need for travel. Yellowstone, The Grand Canyon, the beaches of Florida, the Appalachians, all of these places hold plenty of adventure for those willing to find it. If you’re not an outdoors person, places like Vegas, New York, Seattle also hold plenty of opportunities for the would-be traveler. Hostels are fairly inexpensive and available in most major cities! If you are looking for something a little bit bigger, but feel selfish just travelling for fun, AmeriCorps provides lots of volunteer opportunities all around the country which would allow you to travel…yes that’s right…for free!

Now let’s say you want to travel somewhere a little more exotic, but don’t feel that you have the financial needs to do so, being the jobless wonder that you are. There are a cornucopia of different volunteer groups that would be glad send you somewhere far off in exchange for your services. You can work on an organic farm in Oregon or Mexico with WWOOF or teach English in Korea with TEFL. These are just a few of the many groups which can provide opportunities for you. You can simultaneously fulfill your needs, help others, and bolster your resume for future job prospects. Most employers LOVE to see volunteer work!

The key is RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH! The internet is your oyster! Some travel guides such as The Lonely Planet series pride themselves on helping youth travelers find cheap ways to live their dream!

If you’re concerned about your parents looking down on you, don’t be! When you ask older generations what they regret most about their post-brainery years, it’s usually that they did not travel. In fact, it seems to be one of the most universal regrets of the middle class. I would be utterly shocked if you found someone who traveled and actually regretted the entire experience. Often times you’ll find parents encourage travel because they themselves missed out on the opportunity.

The best advice I’ve ever received about traveling is this: Take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of traveling. Once you see it on paper, you’ll realize that you have little excuse for not doing it.

Chances are, you are just afraid, and fear should be faced.

Here is a list of resources to help give you some more perspective on travel: http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=learn (For you hardcore thrill seekers!)
http://www.collegeaftermath.com/life-adventures-after-college/going-abroad-travel-work-volunteer/ (Some good advice for why you should travel, and after college advice in general)
http://www.americorps.gov/ (Domestic travel and helping your fellow citizens!)
http://www.wwoof.org/ (Volunteer on an Organic farm!)
http://teflinstitute.com/teaching-english-abroad.php?gclid=COGPjPay5qoCFQFzgwod2zHs5w (Do you speak English and have a need to travel?)
http://studenttravel.about.com/od/planyourtrip/p/reasons_travel.htm (More reasons that support my theory that travel is good!

Short and Sweet

In honor of one of my esteemed followers, I will keep this weeks entry short and sweet...

Looking for a job...suuuuuuuccccckkkkkkssssssss!

Nothing But Dandruff

There is nothing worse than “flakey” people. Okay, maybe White Supremacists, Joseph McCarthy, and the sound of Styrofoam squeaking, but other than that, nothing is worse. I don’t know what cultural morays have programmed our generation to vomit empty phrases like, “We should hang out sometime!” Or “I should be able to make it.” But it needs to stop, immediately. I myself am guilty of saying these things from time to time. There are many people that view a flakey attitude as a courtesy to those around them. As if by not rejecting offers outright, they are somehow being kind. Say yes to everything, and disappoint no one!

Now don’t get me wrong, not everyone is a flake, in fact it seems to be a widely cultural creation. For instance, I live in Southern California, the Mecca of Flakey people. Whether through the ridiculous mouths of suburban soccer moms, whose monolithic SUVs and stiff corpse-like faces litter the streets, or the pretentious douche bags yuppies who make a living riding the backs of others, the epidemic is widespread and destructive. Keep in mind, that I am not a self-hating Californian. As a transplant from the Pacific Northwest, I chose to live her. I love the urban sprawl of The City of Angeles and the vibrant beaches of Newport, Huntington, and Laguna. Not everyone is SoCal is a flake and there are many genuine, honest, and hard working people. In fact, I can’t stand people who badmouth California. Yet “flakey” is how most of the world views us.

However, being an outsider has allowed me to view this crisis from a different perspective. I grew up in a fairly rural area where men still hang Confederate Flags and the names of Jesus, John Wayne, and Ronald Regan go hand in hand (Think less Seattle, more Idaho). Many come from farming communities and still hold on to much of what their forefathers believed (I’m still waiting for English militiamen to take over my house). There is a certain pride that these people take in sticking to their commitments. The “word is my bond” philosophy is still held in high regard and anyone who feels otherwise is viewed with suspicion and contempt. That’s why most of the politicians have more experience owning saloons than they do with politics. In essence, it’s very different. Not necessarily better, just different. There are many flakey people there too. I think this comparison offers a good example of what I mean by, cultural creation. There are some areas of the country, some areas of your own backyard where flakey is more acceptable than others.

Yet, whether through cultural evolution or just random chance, the acceptance of flakey people has steadily been growing. I suspect that much of this attitude stems from our own childish insecurities. As if having nothing to do on a Friday night would shame you in the eyes of your compatriots. Better to act as if you have a million things to do, then say no to all of them and stay home watching The Notebook and eating Ben and Jerry’s®.

I am quite tired of people I know committing to things and then at the last minute ducking out. There’s never a courtesy phone call or adequate warning. Most of us know when we are being blown off, even if we don’t admit it. If there is any discussion about the incident, it is choked with empty platitudes designed to make the spurned party member feel less like you can’t stand them.

The saddest part of this whole thing is that by being a flake, you fail to establish any real connections. Your life is filled with “friends”, none of which you can count on. You are left alone with your empty platitudes and melted Cherry Garcia®. My challenge to you, to us, is to cast off the shackles of insecurity and take a lesson from the great American philosopher RZA, “Word is bond mother&#@$!*” As you venture out into the world, be honest and fourth coming. Choose diplomacy over flakeyness. If you have to say no, choose your words carefully, and whenever possible be honest. Subterfuge may serve you in certain circles, *cough *cough HOLLYWOOD ehem… but I find that with the right wording subterfuge is not usually necessary and can do you more harm than good.

P.S. Show up on time to things! I’m talking to you “fashionably late” people!

Paper Phantoms

“Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.” – Mark Twain


Fear is an inescapable facet of the human condition. It is one of the great equalizers in this world and a constant reminder of our own perceived inadequacies. Like an over bearing mother it seeks to control our lives and suffocate us. Yet it is only when we face these fears, when we challenge them, that we have the ability to grow as people. Only then do we realize that those things that seemed so real before were simply paper phantoms drifting in the wind. It is then that we see the bars that have held us captive and reflect on all the things we have yet to do and accomplish.

It is rather remarkable, the number of people I have met, who live with perpetual regret. They dwell on everything they wanted to do, everything they should have done, and cast these dreams off as fantasy. Parents with children, blame the children. Young adults with jobs, blame the economy. They are so frightened of the world around them that they dare not move for fear of falling into a gaping chasm. It’s one of the saddest and most terrifying sights in the world. The worst part is, fear is contagious and it spreads like some awful disease. Before you know it, you have absorbed their fears on top of your own and you’ve locked yourself away in the safety and security of what you think “right.” Then you live out your days like them, regretting all the things you did not do.

The reason I bring this up, is that fear is something I have been struggling with a lot in the last year. Some nights, I don’t sleep so well because I can’t escape my own fears. My mind is a torrent of “What Ifs” and “What nows?” For a while I couldn’t relax and my anxiety was through the rough. Not to worry though, I’m better now, and have found ways to deal with my fear. I move forward in spite of them and I do not force myself into a box. I don’t force myself to be anything I’m not. I just live as I see fit. I guess that makes me brave.

A friend of mine, has a lot of trouble with fear. She has this idea that there are things she must do, or she will look like a failure. She tells herself she’s not good enough, not strong enough, and that the world will break her. She’s wrong. She is very, very, very wrong. There is more strength and bravery in her than in a thousand others. I’ve seen her smile through the kind of pain that would cripple most people. But there are times…many times, mostly late at night, when she lets her fear get the best of her and that scares me. I don’t want her to ever live in regret of all the things she did not do. I want her to travel, or if she doesn’t want to, I at least want her to find something she really wants to do. I want her believe in herself, like everyone around her believes in her.

So now you’re thinking about it. You are thinking about all the fear inside of you and you are trying so hard not to climb into a dark hole and just stay there. I promise you, your fears will subside, if you push through them. Find what it is that drives you, and pursue it. It might be terrifying. Others will try to scare you off, but you must keep going. You must remember that fear does not control your life. You are in control and can tear down these paper phantoms anytime you want. Just stop and think, remember what makes you strong. Remember all that you have survived and all that you have accomplished. You might fail. You might stumble and stutter, but when you make it through to the other side, you will feel stronger than you have ever felt in your life. Now is the time. Now is the time. Don’t let your fears cloak you in regret and self-doubt. Remember that you are strong. That you are good enough and that if you’ve made it this far, you can do anything. NOW IS THE TIME.

P.S. Hugh Grant is awesome! Watch out for FLASH FLOOD WARNINGS in California. I want to go to Dollywood to see Dolly Parton....Warren Buffet!

Alien Abductions, Roofies, and that bitch Calypso!

The time will come when winter will ask you what you were doing all summer. ~Henry Clay

Until recently, I would never have described myself as a paranoid or suspicious person. I have always been, in my mind, a realist. I don’t follow conspiracy theories and although I don’t deny the presence of paranormal forces in this world, I don’t encourage them either. However, over the past few weeks, my attitude has changed dramatically. I feel…different. As if a wave of light has washed over my body. I feel like I am covered in a indescribable goo that I can’t wash off. Whatever beliefs I had before, the game has changed. I now believe that I am the victim of multiple alien abductions. Now I know what some of you might be thinking. “Aliens don’t abduct people in the suburbs!” That’s normally true. But what other explanation can there be?

Let me break down my experience for you: I wake up, usually around 10:30, 11:00. I meander out to the kitchen in search of sustenance (Did you know you can eat Spaghetti and Meatballs for breakfast?). On my way back to my bedroom I usually pass my television screen and feel compelled to turn on my Playstation®. I say to myself, “I’ll play for an hour.” So I sit down and begin, intent on playing for only that one hour. As I’m sitting there, skull bashing my way through ancient Greece, that’s when it hits me. The strange feeling of light and goo that I can’t resist engulfs my entire body. I suddenly become limp, passive, and mindless. Finally, the darkness overtakes me, and I blackout! When I wake up, it’s been six hours and I’m covered in the mutilated corpse of a tortilla chip bag and my shirt is stained with what is probably blood…or salsa, I’m too terrified to find out. For the rest of the day I wander around my house in my bathrobe. I don’t bathe, I don’t go outside, and I certainly don’t do anything productive. A classic case of alien abduction.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that I wasn’t abducted by aliens. I guess there could be other possibilities. Maybe my roommate’s dog slipped roofies into my Tang. Or the angry spirit of the ancient sea-witch Calypso has entered my home and, just like Odysseus, the passage of time is totally out of wack. I spent an hour in her realm and it’s really been a year. But let’s be honest, that’s just ridiculous. It’s not as if I just lost track of time. It’s not as if I actually spent five hours playing video games and eating junk food. No, of course not, I’m not that type of person. I’m not lazy! I don’t suffer from the lethargic drain of the everyman. I’m a millennial, not a damn Gen X-er! (Sorry to all you Bush fans out there). I am a doer. So, that leaves only one possibility…alien abduction.

All right fine! I was just lazy! There are you happy? I wasn’t abducted by aliens, I just don’t have a lot on my plate right now. I’ve been lazy for weeks. But it’s not my fault! The post graduation world is as seductive as that bitch Calypso! It’s like having a remote. You could get up and turn on the TV yourself, but why bother when you have a remote. You could go out get a job, start paying back those student loans, but most of us are not ready for the horrible shame of returning to 7.50 an hour and having to take orders from an assistant manager named Lance who just celebrated his 16th birthday. There’s nothing you “have to” do, just a lot of things you “could” or “should” be doing. You suddenly find yourself, for the first time in over four years, with all this time on your hands and that’s when the lethargy sets in. So the question is, should you be doing something? Are you a terrible person for not wanting to accomplish anything?

The answer is no…within reason. It seems completely normal that after spending four years kicking intellectual ass that you‘d want to take a break. The key, my interwebbing friends, is BALANCE. You have to find that sweet spot between productivity and relaxation. It’s going to be different for everyone. Some people can’t stand doing nothing, other people relish in it. Keep in mind that we are usually our own worst critics. Because of this, we usually start getting frustrated with ourselves and feel that we “have to” do things long before we actually “have to” do them. REMEMBER: You don’t “have to” do anything. I mean, you should bathe, and eat, pay your bills, and open doors for old ladies, but beyond that you are safe. You have to allow yourself to do nothing every once and awhile. It’s okay to ease into being a productive member of adult society. You are new at this. Then, when you are ready, go fourth in the name of credit car debt. It may be scary at first, and you might have to give yourself a little nudge, but once you begin, it feels great. Here’s a good way to start:

1) Grab a piece of paper and pen.

2) Write down four SMALL things that you know you can accomplish today. It can be as simple as empting the dishwasher, getting the mail, buying toilet paper, and eating a salad. 3) As you go through your day, cross each of these items off the list. The simple act of crossing something off does a lot to make you feel accomplished. It’s physical evidence that you’ve done something. I know it seems simple, but trust me, it works. More importantly, it helps you from overwhelming yourself. (If you get really desperate you can write: 1) Make list and then cross it off.)

It’s best to do this in the morning and start right away. That way you won’t run out of time and when you do sit down in front of the t.v., you feel like you’ve really earned it.

4) As the days pass, start putting one bigger thing on the list and three small things. For example: 1) Get Oil Changed. 2) Brush teeth 3) Pet cat. It’s up to you what counts as a “big thing”, for me it’s usually something that requires a lot of running around or mental work. 5) The more you do this, the more “big things” you can put on the list and the more productive you will feel. It’s important not to put too many things on your list though, because if you don’t finish the list, you might start beating yourself up. If you can’t do it today, wait until tomorrow to write it on the list.

Finally, remember to give yourself a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself and remember that now is the time to keep yourself open to new possibilities. There is not set path, only the path you choose for yourself.

WARNING: Prolonged laziness can lead to DEPRESSION. This is bad! Make sure you stay active, at least physically to stave off depression and don’t isolate yourself. Walking to the grocery store and talking to the person at the checkout stand is a great way to avoid this.

Now, write "read witty, insightful, and creative blog" and then cross it off your list.