If you want to understand what it’s like to Graduate College, you need to watch The Shawshank Redemption. From this point on, I’m going to assume that you are at least familiar with the movie. If you are not, I encourage you to find someone with a TV and flip through the channels until you find it. It should only take about twenty minutes. Like reruns of M*A*S*H, Shake Weight commercials, and C-SPAN, it’s on all the time. Once you are up to speed, come back to this.
Found it? Good.
Now, remember the part in the movie where Brooks, the old guy with the bird, puts the shiv to the blonde guy’s throat because they are kicking him out of prison? I kind of get that. I’ve never been to prison but I think I understand what he was going through.
You see, being in college is a lot like being in prison minus the shitty living conditions, substandard food, and gang rape. Wait, no, it’s just like prison. You are stuck with the same assholes for years. Like that guy who still yells “Play Freebird!” at every public gathering, and then acts as if no one understands his comedic genius. Or those sorority girls who describe everything as “chill” and always seem to have someone to text. (I have a lot of friends ladies, no one is that popular.) Not to mention that you are stuck listening to the same mustachioed authority figures for four years.
More than this though, college is a place you spend years in and never imagine you’ll actually leave. It’s the last bastion of childhood, the only legitimate excuse for twenty somethings to act like complete morons and get away with it. “What? The kid with the word BALLS written on his forehead? He’s the valedictorian.”
It’s a safe place, where you have a role and purpose. You hear people talk about “leaving” and “graduating”, you’ve even seen people do it, but never in your wildest dreams did you think it could happen to you. I mean, four years is along time right?
So, just like the old guy from Shawshank, you become “institutionalized” you get used to the routine and get comfortable with it. Then, when it comes time for them to kick your ass out, you do what I did…FLIP OUT! There’s no easy transition where they hold your hand and teach you how to be an income earning adult, oh no, they shove you out the gates with nothing but the clothes on your back and a degree that cost more money than you’ll make in the next fifty years. You think to yourself, maybe failing a class isn’t such a bad idea, cause then I’d have another semester. Should I put a shiv to someone’s throat? Of course, if you keep watching the movie, you learn that things don’t turn out that well for Brooks.
Whatever you do, DON’T STOP WATCHING THE MOVIE THERE! Keep watching until the end and see what happens to Morgan Freeman. He makes it out, he takes control of his life, and realizes his dream. Now that you’re graduating, you have two choices; Will you be Brooks or Morgan Freeman? I choose Morgan Freeman.
I’ve been in school for almost 16 years. I like school, I’ve always been that way and I’ve never liked the idea of growing up. Now that I am graduating, I’m terrified that I’m not going to make it, that I’m going to come crashing down in a fiery shit ball of failure and debt. I don’t want to end up like Brooks. I want to be Morgan Freeman. The guy who makes it out and, not only survives, but flourishes. I want to live my dream and grab the world by the love handles and say, “Hey world! I’m Morgan Freeman!”
So this is what I have to offer you (I’m doing this for myself more than anything, but I figure if it might help somebody, it’s worth it.) This is what I like to call “The Mongrel’s March: A Post-College Survival Guide” Here I will chronicle my adventures as a bachelor’s degree recipient and my struggle to find my place in the “real world.” It’s not going to be easy, it’s going to require copious amounts of Jalapeño chips, Fellini movies, and freaky dance parties. I can’t promise you any answers, but, at the very least, this will give me and you something to do while I we are filing for unemployment. Wish me luck!
